A Strange Fetish

I have a strange fetish. A very strange one. And that is------ CROSS DRESSING. *gasps* lol just kidding.
But I really do want to cross dress. That is, when my folks aren't at home. It's fun. Too bad that my dad and mom are homophobes. *sighs*
So what do I do?? I've checked the Net for tips on cross-dressing countless times, but I can't find very much. I mean, they don't really work for me. *epic sigh*
I can't tell anyone about this either. I've cut my hair, but my mom was all "Get a bob cut. If you cut it any shorter you'll regret it." So now I'm stuck with a freaking bob cut. I don't even want one.
But then again.... I won't give up my entire feminine side. I like to paint my nails, dress up (but half the time I dress up like a guy.... even when I want to cosplay), and put makeup. However.... I guess you could say that I only paint my nails and style myself up AFTER I see transsexuals doing that. Which doesn't happen very often. I hate having long hair too. *sighs*
I really wish I could cross dress. I know it's against the Bible and all, but I really want to. It's like a dream, y'know? I don't want to be some cute little girlie who walks around in dresses and such. :(
Of course, neither do I want to be some big burly guy with a beard and a pot belly. (Who would?!?!? Urk.)
I want to have a flat chest, be able to be myself and act normal (which means NOT acting feminine) and I want SHORT HAIR, NOT A ****ING BOB CUT. - _ -"
Is that too much to ask for???? Honestly.
Unfortunately though, my folks would kill me if they ever found out.
*sighs*